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Morrigan Jameson
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current mood // happy current music // Tim McGraw & Nelly - Over and Over
It's always something, isn't it?
At Brenna's wiccaning, Cole's mother attacked and wounded me with an energy ball. My family, however, was something she was not expecting. Neither hide nor hair of her has been seen since.
The Avatars manipulated the Charmed Ones and now Leo will have to deal with the Elders, but at least he's not alone.
I just want something peaceful for a while. I think that's why Cole and I are moving to San Francisco. Besides, a bride needs to be close to her bridesmaids, right?
Oh, I think I hear Brenna crying. She must have woken from her nap. Who would have imagined that our daughter would be so demanding? ;)
( It's all in my head, I replay it over and over again )
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current mood // lonely current music // Maroon 5 - This Love (Kanye West Remix)
I've been quiet lately. Spending a good amount of time with my mother and sister, really. Nothing of interest to report, although I've managed to get the bulk of my holiday shopping done.
It's been unbearbly gloomy here as of late. I just don't feel like going home. Something about being alone when you're this pregnant, it's just never a good thing.
Maybe I could visit Angel, I haven't been into the office in a while. Or Piper. It's been a while since I've seen her. And I'm sure she's baked something yummy.
Bah. I hate feeling like this.
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current mood // hungry current music // Norah Jones - Sunrise
Left work early to come up and spend some time with Piper. Cole was a little reluctant to let me go by myself, but I told him I'd be fine. And, I promised he could come up and pick me up, just to make him happy. He's such a silly man sometimes.
Piper's somewhat stressed about things, although she's reluctant to tell me what, exactly. I'm sure whatever it is will come out in time. She knows she can tell me anything.
Oooh, I wonder if she'd be willing to make me some brownies.
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current mood // mischievous current music // Kylie Minogue - Fever
Now that I've finally managed to get out of bed, I feel like I should shop. It is, what is it called, Black Friday, after all. I should do my part to help the economy.
Where did Cole leave his wallet, I wonder...
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current mood // moody current music // Poe - Angry Johnny
I'm in a mood. Someone get me an axe.
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current mood // bored current music // Brother - Crazy (Like Everyone)
Persephone, the kitten -- who, I suppose isn't technically a kitten anymore -- has decided that I cannot sleep at night. So, between having to get up repeatedly for various pregnancy related reasons, now I have a kitten who's decided that sleeping is just not allowed.
And Cole says that I'm the reason he's exhausted. Hmph.
Prue seems heartbroken over this thing with Gary. I refuse to tell her "I told you so" because that's not my style. I just hate seeing her hurting. And I hate that I was right about him.
I think I'll watch a movie with Balor. He said something about watching a kung-fu movie earlier. Anything to take my mind off things with Prue and the recent demonic attacks.
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current mood // loved current music // Diana Krall - The Look Of Love
I love Rome. This city is amazing.
Do we have to go home?
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current mood // flirty current music // Santana feat. Michelle Branch - The Game of Love
Have you ever sat down to write in your journal and then completely forget what you were going to say? That's essentially what happened to me tonight. I blame it on being pregnant. And, no, I'm not saying "the baby made me do it", but when I was pregnant with Balor, the same thing happened. I'd completely forget what I was going to say. It's very frustrating, honestly.
Cordelia's spent the last two days here. She had some sort of fight with Angel, and we've been having the most interesting conversations. Ahem. I'll leave it at that. I'm not sure how much longer she'll be here, but she's a friend, and that means that she can stay as long as she needs to.
Things with Cole have been slightly strained. Cordelia said something to him the other night which apparently upset him. I don't like it when he's distant, but I accept it. It's still hard for him, I get that.
//Firewalled against Cole
I made reservations for dinner tomorrow at Alberto Ciarla, in Rome. Cole and I have been there before, a few times, and this restaurant in particular is special, at least to me. I don't know if Cole remembers, but hopefully tomorrow night, he will. Now, I just need to figure out how I'm going to get him there. He'll have a fit if I try to shimmer us there. No matter how many times I remind him that I'm pregnant, not incapacitated, it doesn't stick. Sometimes it's kind of sweet, though...
//End firewall
It's early, but I'm tired. I think, maybe, I'll go to bed early. Probably watch some telly, but at least if I fall asleep there, it's okay.
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current mood // naughty current music // Garbage - Temptation Waits
Went to the doctor for a checkup earlier today, and he said that everything's fine. I still need to take it easy, but as long as I do that there shouldn't be any more problems.
I did do a bit of shopping today, as I needed to get something for Prue's birthday. She seemed to like them, so that was good. Although, I don't want to know about her obsession with Neil Diamond. That's just as bizarre as Angel's Manilow thing.
I should go show Cole my purchases.
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current mood // restless current music // Robbie Robertson - Shine Your Light
Has it been a week yet? I'm sure there are people out there that would consider a week of bedrest relaxing, but I'm not one of them. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind not getting up to go into work in the morning, but not being able to do most things for myself it a tad bit irritating. The only things the doctor will let me out of bed to do are, well, of a personal nature. Other than that? Nothing. I love my bedroom, but the walls are getting a big monotonous. Thankfully, the new bed Cole ordered arrived the other day, which makes it a bit more tolerable.
Prue's been wonderful, coming by and spending the days with me. She had something named Gary to take care of today, so Piper spent the day with me instead. It was good, as we haven't really spent that much time together lately. Piper's been so busy with the boys and worrying about Leo, and I've been stuck here. I've missed her. She decided that she was going to make dinner for us, although I'm not sure how that'll go over with either Cole or Prue. I wish the two of them could get along. I need to talk to Prue. I had words with Cole about it last night, and he was rather like a petulant child. Hopefully she'll be a bit more responsive.
It seems that Cole's day out with Balor last weekend helped a bit. He's been more affectionate, and we've played a few games on his Playstation. I don't have the foggiest idea what I'm playing, which seems to amuse him. Although, I can do some serious damage to him on Tekken Tag. Hee.
Oh, I think Gary just dropped Prue off. He was down in LA on business, and Prue managed to distract him for the afternoon. Hope she had a good time, as she and I need to talk.
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current mood // better, and contraction free! current music // Sarah McLachlan - Push
I really need to look into home birthing. We ended up spending last night in the hospital because I was having contractions. Thankfully, Dr. Christiansen was able to stop them, the only downside being that I'm on bedrest for the next week. I'm not sure what's worse: being trapped in my own bed, or spending the night in the hospital. They kept trying to take blood and whatnot, and I kept having to come up with excuses for them not to. Somehow, Cole was able to sweettalk one of the nurses. I really don't want to know how he managed that.
So, we're home now. Brenna's fine, and I'm trapped going to be in bed for the next few days. Should anyone feel like coming to visit, let me know.There are only so many movies I can watch.
I'll be damned if this won't make the evil-fighting a bit difficult not that Cole would have let me do that anyway. At least I can work from home. And, you know, these are 500-thread count sheets. Something to be said for Egyptian cotton after all.
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current mood // worried current music // Frou Frou - Hear Me Out
Can I just state for the record that I think this "vision quest" idea of Prue's is a Very Bad Idea?
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current mood // gloomy current music // Velvet Revolver - Fall To Pieces
I've cried, I've raged, I've screamed...all within the last few hours. I can't believe the things that Chris had to say about Brenna and Balor's future. I won't believe them. It ... I won't let it happen. I know what it means to be both the Source and his Queen, and I want better for my daughter. We've been through too much and fought too hard to let the Source end up winning. Won't sit here and go on about it. Penny's here with some ideas, and the girls are working on a spell right now. This has to work.
Earlier today, two demons came to the house. They went on and on, making ludicris claims about who they were, but Cole was already on a short fuse, so he vanquished them before they could finish. I don't know, nor do I care, who they really were, but they weren't who they claimed to be, I know that much.
I think I'm going to go outside for a minute or two, try to clear my head.
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current mood // anxious current music // Velvet Revolver - Set Me Free
Somehow, Wyatt and Chris were brought to our time as their adult selves, and Wyatt's decided that it'd be fun to wreak a little havoc. Somehow, goddess only knows HOW, he managed to take the Source into him last night. None of us can figure out quite how, as there's no blood tie to Cole, and as far as we can tell, the Grimoire is still safely tucked away. This is tearing Piper apart, but I've promised her that we'll figure it out somehow. That's what families do, right?
Chris let Piper and Prue know that Wyatt had "frozen" the two of us, and she was able to reverse the freeze with her powers. Thankfully, everything seems fine and Brenna doesn't seem to be affected. Wyatt said some horrible things last night, things I don't want to think about.
I just want to know how this happened and what we can do to set things to rights. Balor was a bit worried when he found out what happened, about us and his baby sister. We were able to reassure him that nothing was going to happen, and that everything would work out. i've just put him to bed and I'm going to try to sleep soon myself. Right now, though, I need to make sure Cole's okay. He was still in a great deal of pain when he came out of it, and I know he's upset as well as worried.
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current mood // curious current music // Alanis Morrisette - Hands Clean
I feel like I've been cooped up in this house for a while. I haven't really gone anywhere between here and work, or to handle other work-related things, like dinner the other night.
Cole, any chance I could talk you into something fun?
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current mood // working current music // Dido - Closer
Leaving work early today to get ready for a dinner which is, well, work. I'm taking Mrs. Aller out to dinner and to a show tonight to see if she's made up her mind about a donation. Right now, with it being as slow as it is? AI could use the money. I wonder if I could convince Cole to join me.
Reservations are at seven at Boa Steakhouse. You have to spend money to make money, right? Now I just need to figure out what to wear. Little black dress? Or different little black dress?
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current mood // cheerful current music // Shawn Mullins - Lullaby
Seeing as Cole's off spending time with Balor, Prue, Piper and I have decided to go to the movies. I think we're going to see Ladder 49. Cole and I tried to go see this a few weeks ago, but if I recall correctly, we were a bit distracted. Which was okay, mind you. Leo's watching the boys for Piper, and I think Paige is dropping them by any time now. She's got a hot date tonight, otherwise she'd have joined us as well. ;)
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current mood // aggravated current music // Vanessa Carlton - Rinse
He thinks I was "off having a lovely time with my mother and sister." ...
I was so relieved to be with him last night that I just wanted to fall asleep in his arms, but he was so cold and withdrawn. After a shower, I'd fallen asleep almost immediately. Upon waking a few hours later, I wandered out and found him on the sofa. Maybe I should have explained in detail last night, I don't know. It just felt so good to be home...
If Cole's simply going to assume things, I'm not going to grovel. He wants the truth, he can come ask me himself.
Although, I must admit that I'm a tad amused by this ... whatever it is, claiming to be one of Cole's children. Cole has no other children aside from Balor and his sister. Especially none that are half-whitelighter, half-dragon, whatever that is. The only three beings that I know of that are partial whitelighter are Paige, Wyatt and Chris. And out of all the things I've seen in my life, I've yet to see a dragon.
Oh, and by the way? Sikes is dead. As the former Leader of the Brotherhood, I can confidently tell you that he died on November 15, 2001. So whoever you are? You are not Sikes. You are not Sikes' girlfriend. Take your wee fantasy and go. You've no claim to Cole.
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current mood // brokenhearted
Cole--
I'm sorry it's come to this. You've said things that I simply cannot abide by. I've been forced into making difficult decisions, but this is the best one for everyone involved.
Balor and I won't see you again. Please don't try to find us, or Brenna after she's born.
An áit a bhuil do chroí is ann a thabharfas do chosa thú.
--Morrigan
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current mood // pissed off current music // Brother - Wear Me Down
Coleridge Benjamin Turner!!!
I am pregnant and I am pissed off.
We need to talk.
Right. Now.
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current mood // loved current music // Brother - Just Listen
I swear, I don't think I have never known of two more difficult men.
On the one hand, I can see my father's point of view. He has a right to know what's going on in my life, as he is my father. But, then, I can see Cole's point of view as well. I am a grown woman who's capable of making my own decisions. A few steaks, some scotch and a number of good cigars later, I can only hope that the two of them have come to some sort of understanding. If for no other reason than the fact that I'm far too tired to play mediator anymore. It makes me hope that Balor grows up with both of their strengths and none of their pigheadedness.
And, as it's Sunday? It seems that Piper and Paige found themselves with a case of death. Fortunately, they got better. I'm glad it didn't happen to Prue, because she's still adjusting to being alive again -- or, still, depending on how you look at it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I do believe I'd promised Cole a bottle of very expensive scotch.
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current mood // satisfied current music // Jem - Finally Woken
I was able to persuade Cole to stay home with me today, as I wasn't feeling up to going into work. I don't like fighting with him, and last night was very stressful. Dealing with stress is, admittedly, a hazard of life when you're friends with The Charmed Ones and involved with the former Source of All Evil, but I didn't want to bring any undue stress upon the baby by going into work today.
I know that Angel had finally apprehended our mystery guest and was hoping to get some answers today. He seemed a bit distracted when I spoke with him this afternoon, and I'm hoping that it was Cordelia that was doing the distracting. They could both use it. Unfortunately, I'm sure our "ghost" was the one behind it. Hopefully, they'll have some answers when we head in to work tomorrow. I do feel bad about taking today off...somewhat.
//Firewalled against Cole
There was a message for Cole earlier from a realtor. I know he'd been thinking about selling the Penthouse, but I didn't know he'd started taking steps to put the sale into motion. There's alot of memories there for him, both good and bad. I know he still aches for her at times, but... It's hard when you lose someone you love, and while moving on is never easy, dwelling on it is the worst thing you can do. He'll never forget her, nor do I want him to. Move on, though? That is something I want him to do. It's important for him, to be able to heal.
Maybe he could take Balor to visit her this weekend. It might do them both some good...
//End firewall
I wonder if I could convince Cole to go to the movies tonight. Now, to choose between Ladder 49 and The Forgotten.
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current mood // irritated current music // Jem - Save Me
He makes fun of me. I go to lunch with Lindsey to get some breathing room and calm down. When I come back from lunch, Cole's nowhere to be found. He didn't come home last night either, so I went to stay with my parents. Which, in turn, just upset my father.
He didn't come into work today.
This is bullshit.
I think I need to talk to Piper. Of everyone I know, she should understand.
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current mood // stressed current music // Evanescense - Imaginary (origin)
You know, I'm thisclose to just vanquishing my father right now. "You're not making the right decisions. How can you trust him to do what's best for you and the baby? How do you know you're doing the right thing? How can you stay with him? Morrigan, you can't live your life like this."
What does he know? He hasn't made the choices I've made, and he doesn't know what's right for me. What I'm doing, how I'm living my life, that's what I want to do. This is how I want to live, how I want to raise my children. These are the people I want in my life. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be with my family, but these people are my family as well. Piper, Paige, Prue...Cole... This is where I belong right now. He doesn't understand that what I've done in the past isn't negated by the choices that I've made now. That's who I was, this is who I am.
I swear... Between him and my brother, they make me never want to deal with the men in my family again.
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current mood // cold current music // Massive Attack -- Dissolved Girl
Balor and I spent the last week with my mom and sister in Ireland. It's really wonderful being with them, but I can't hide from things here forever. And hearing my father tell me that I'm getting fat, even teasingly, just gets old after a while. I can only remind him that I'm pregnant so many times.
Besides... It's Sunday. I have an odd feeling.
Cole? Are you busy?
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current mood // frustrated current music // Sarah McLachlan - Train Wreck
I am so very tired of being this emotional. I've been crying off and on for the last hour while listening to Sarah McLachlan. Argh.
Honestly, I'm half tempted to go see Piper and talk to her about stripping my powers. And the baby's. So tempted.
Maybe I should go spend some time with my mom and my sister. I wonder if that would help.
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current mood // cheerful current music // Nina Simone -- Feelin' Good
Today was both quiet and slightly surreal. Spent the majority of it at home, but I did stop by the Manor with Balor earlier this morning. He needed some help with his history homework, and Prue took him up to the attic to look at the Halliwell family tree. Seems he got into the Book of Shadows and conjured ... You know, it's just too odd not to say. Lady Godiva. Yes. THAT one.
...
Aside from that, I think it's been fairly quiet. Yesterday was spent shopping with Prue, Piper and Paige, wherein Paige declared herself to be the best shopping partner ever. She's silly like that, but honestly? She's got a good sense of fashion sometimes. But, all in all, I came out with some very nice maternity wear. I'm so glad that they've stopped deciding that when you get pregnant you somehow lose your sense of fashion.
Played Bookworm for a short while tonight, and Prue? I'd like to thank you for that. Silly game. Also, I had to stop earlier while I was walking to the kitchen. Cole was watching football and I'm guessing it was a commercial that said "You must find and treat the Source." I couldn't stop laughing. All I could say was "No, don't do that. He's sitting on my couch." It was amusing at the time.
And wow. I've turned into quite the soccer mom, haven't I? Seems my life has become quite boring. Maybe that's a good thing?
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current mood // busy current music // Garbage - Push It (Never would've thought Cole was a Garbage fan, would you?)
Random notes --
Angel -- Cole and I will be a little late this morning. I have a ... prenatal appointment of sorts.
Piper -- I really need to talk to you. Also, I have some ideas on that spell that we were talking about.
- Need to go shopping this weekend. Maternity clothes.
- Talk to Magda.
- Spend time with Prue this weekend. See if there's a way to get her out of the house without exposing her.
//Firewalled against everyone but Connor
Connor, poppet, you should have the house to yourself today. Cole's going to be with me at work, and Balor's going to San Francisco after school. If you need anything, let me know. I've got my cell. We'll talk more tonight when I get home, okay? Keep yourself safe.
//End Firewall
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current mood // shocked
My baby sister Magda now has dreadlocks. And, she's discussing a piercing. There are no words.
I'm going to kill her boyfriend. Really.
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current mood // quixotic current music // Peter Gabriel featuring Afro-Celt Soundsystem - When You're Falling
Spent the afternoon with Piper. She went to my doctor's appointment with me, then we had a late lunch. The doctor had some interesting news, but I want to tell Cole before anyone else knows.
I've missed her lately. We haven't spent as much time together as I'd have liked, but we've all had things we needed to deal with on our own terms. I think going to the wedding, and thus being turned into Shakti, has helped her realise that things are getting back to normal. Well, as normal as things can be when you're one of the most powerful witches of all time. ;)
Oh, and coming home to find a small kitten curled up in your bed is certainly interesting. I'm guessing Cole brought her over while I was out with Piper earlier, but it looks as though Persephone (Why am I not surprised that it's a P name?) has well and truly made herself at home. Now, to see how she does with Frankie and Seamus. :)
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current mood // peaceful current music // John Mayer - Daughters
Left work early today. Not much, just an hour or so, but I feel like I've missed so much work lately that I barely have a job anymore. Angel knows that there's been a great deal going on, though, so he's been patient. Just wish I could figure out why I'm so tired. It wasn't like this last time. I don't get it.
Paige was kind enough to bring Prue by earlier. Still adjusting to the fact that she's both and here now. I know that might sound strange, but when your best friend has been non-corporeal for the year and a half that you've known her? It's odd when she suddenly has a body. Not that I mind, actually. I love the fact that I can hug her whenever I want to. It's just, I wish the circumstances that were responsible for this were different somehow. I'm so tired of seeing the people that I love hurting.
While she and Paige were both here, I asked them if they would be offended if Cole stayed with me until I found someone who could help me with the baby, as he feels strongly about the fact that I need protection. I'm not arguing, as it seems that the Seer wants to get her hands on the baby. I simply wanted to see how they felt out of respect. I spoke with Piper about it earlier today, and she didn't seem to have any objections either, so... I know that they still consider Cole to be a part of their family, and considering the circumstances, well... One can see how it might look tacky or distasteful. It's really not. I need someone to stay with me, he doesn't want to be alone, and this way, he gets to be more involved with both of his children. That's it.
I think we're a little closer to settling on a name for the baby. We discussed it last night, and Brenna is one that we both agree on. It's Irish Gaelic for "raven haired". Now we just need to decide if that's her first or middle name, and find one to go with it. And figure out who's last name she'll carry.
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current mood // predatory current music // Peter Gabriel//Darkness
I've spent the day with Piper, and it's only because of her that I haven't completely lost it. So help me, if they hurt Cole...
No, I can't think like that. Thinking in terms of vengance never ends up well. Right now, I need to be strong, for him, for Balor, for our daughter.
This will all end well, it has to. I won't let it happen any other way.
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current mood // pissed off current music // Nickelback - Where Do I Hide?
They took him, supposedly for a trial. You'd think they could have let him tell me himself, but as they seem to think they know best, they didn't.
So help me. If they don't return him, or if they harm him... Well, perhaps I'll finish what he'd started. Bastards.
I'm going up to the Manor to get my son, and check on Piper, Prue and Paige. I know what it was like for me, and I want to be there for them if I can.
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current mood // quiet current music // Mandalay - It's Enough Now
It's been very quiet around here today. Balor's still with my parents, and Cole's spent the majority of the day sleeping in the guest room. He's been through -- and done -- alot over the last week and it's taken a toll on him.
I'm not saying what he's done is right, because while revenge may feel good, it isn't the right thing to do. I know. And I know that a good number of the people that I care about are hurting. The one thing that I know I can try to help them do is move on. It's not easy losing a sister, but if you stop trying to get over it, you never will.
Phoebe's funeral is tomorrow. I ... won't be attending. Just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I think Cole's going, at least, I'd assume he is. I'll be heading into work, as Angel said he'd keep an eye on things while I was there. I've missed too much work as it is, all things considered. Tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting with a Mrs. Aller, who's considering a sizeable donation to AI. Getting back to work is what I need to do right now. Maybe I'll see if Angel wants me to send flowers on behalf of the agency...
Think I should go look in on Cole. He needs to eat something...
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current mood // groggy
Tired, can't sleep. Have to talk to Cole...
Tell him about the baby... He needs to know. About her...
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